When most people take a hiatus from blogging for a long period of time, they make their first new post about everything that’s happened in their busy life. It’s no secret I have a busy schedule that finds me in a different state every other week, sleeping on flat hotel pillows, driving for miles upon miles through the early morning hours, and relying on my GPS for leisurely conversation. I consider airport gates my second home and Starbucks my ideal office space. It’s funny how I never imagined myself working for an organization where I traveled away from the office more than I spent in it. It may sound like I’m unhappy, but I feel quite the opposite. When I sit back and think about what I want to do with my life, I picture myself helping others (blame my family and my relationship with Christ for that specific characteristic, though I consider it a true blessing). There are days where my job is exhausting and frustrating, but never unrewarding. I am honored and overjoyed to serve thousands of college and university students daily so that they can empower individuals in their communities and around the world to live better, more sustainable lives. I am blessed beyond words for this opportunity, but in order to do my job better, something has to change.
Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” Nothing worthwhile comes easily. We fight through trials, heartaches, hurts, disappointments, failures, rejections, and fears. Never giving up, no matter how much we want to, is what makes success so sweet. The pain in the fight is what makes us appreciate the reward, but the pain is irrelevant if we choose not to fight. We have to choose to fight. A very powerful story by Wally Piper titled The Little Engine That Could serves as a great life lesson (I feel no shame in admitting that I just referenced an amazing children’s book!). The little engine believed he could do something no one else was willing to try, and he accomplished the task. No one else wanted the job. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy and that he’d be criticized for his decision, but he decided to try anyway. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9.
As I reflect on my lengthy absenteeism from blogging, I realize how valuable a lesson I have learned. I’ve spent the last six months of my life living in selfishness. I stopped fighting for the things I wanted most. For those that know me, they know that being overweight is nothing new. I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. I didn’t have a bullied childhood, get called names in school (well, at least not to my face), and I wasn’t deemed an outcast. I always felt loved and appreciated by my peers. Granted I was a go-getter, a classic overachiever. I was involved in every club or organization, had great academic achievements, and managed several successful campaign runs for myself. I was well-liked. My ego was intact and flying high. For the most part, it masked the majority of my insecurities about my weight. Transitioning to college was stressful and one of the most difficult moments of my life. However, I carried over my outgoing characteristics that served me so well in my childhood. Though my insecurities began to reach the surface, I was never miserable or ashamed of who I had become.
January 2, 2011 I made a decision that changed my life, at least for the next five months. I took a journey to become healthy at the ripe age of 24. I began a well-planned diet and exercise program. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could accomplish such dramatic life change and weight loss. By the end of May, I had dropped a staggering 82 pounds. I was ecstatic! Shopping was my new favorite hobby and fear of what people thought about the way I looked never mattered to me. I was happy; I was healthy; I was alive.
Fast forward through a hectic summer and fall, packed with unexpected changes at work, added responsibility, and a busy travel season. I found myself miserable. My dedication had faltered and my personal goals of achievement had become distant memories, dreams that seemed unreachable. My daily dose of excuses tried to mask my disappointment in myself. All of my hard work had vanished as I continued to buy bigger and bigger sizes. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to have met my goal weight, fit into jeans I had only dreamed of, and yet my nightmare was now my reality. Here I am, back at square one. I’m not bitter or upset any longer. I’ve come to terms with my mistakes. If we didn’t make mistakes, we wouldn’t learn the lessons that make us stronger. With that said, I take full ownership of those mistakes that led me back to my starting weight I had on January 2, 2011. Though I’ve made peace with my poor eating decisions and lack of exercise, I’m not allowing those poor decisions to continue.
It’s a new day. It’s the first day of a very long journey that will be full of trials, heartaches, hurts, disappointments, failures, rejections, and fears. I’m in for the fight of my life and the fight for my life. There will be moments of “I can’t”, but they won’t last long. Those moments will be met with “but I’m going to keep going anyway.” I will be that little engine. If he could, why can’t I? My days on this earth are not guaranteed. Every day I am closer to the end of my life, but in order to live a life full of joy and service, I must honor the Lord with my body. A healthy body can do far more than an unhealthy one. After all, I don’t live for myself but for the one who created me. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.
This annoyingly (sorry for making you read so long, but if you made it this far I greatly appreciate it!) long blog post is a statement of confession and accountability. I admit my failures, but I’m not about to quit. I look forward to the many days ahead, full of sweat and tears. Pray for my courage to fight through the moments of defeat. Pray for the Lord’s strength to keep me fighting through the pains, busy days, and consuming cravings. Pray that my determination would impact all areas of my life, including my growth in my relationship with Christ and my work as a life-changer through the many teams I serve. Pray for my trainer, Crystal, who will be on the front lines of defense. She will be my encourager and enemy (especially when my legs are on fire from all those stupid lunges!). Pray that the Lord would use my journey of weight loss to impact others who are struggling too!
May God bless each of you! Know that in your struggles, you are not alone!
Rachel
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